Dad and the Magic Mushrooms....

Scene: Dad and I walking past a resraunt called "Mushroom"

Dad: Oh I've been there!
Me: (being a smart a**) did you do shrooms?
Dad: Hehe I dont even know what I did that night....
Me:....wat? You did shrooms?
Dad: Well yea that's what the place is called!
Me: .... you.did.shrooms?
Dad: Yea there were tons of them on my sandwhich.
Me: Dad.... I meant the drug shrooms!
Dad: What! No! What?
Me: Why do you think I said "did" instead of "ate" and "shrooms" instead of "mushrooms"?

Haha he likes to think he's hip but... yea nice try Dad. Funny man.

If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother

Coming home from college is always an adjustment. It took me a while to see the humor in it though. When I come home, within days my mother has me dressing "in season", wearing matching socks, eating fruit, making lunch dates with that "nice boy" from high school, dying my hair the correct color, and wearing make up when I leave the house.

Then I return to school where I clean once a week, eat out of cans, keep my exercise ball under my bed, and go so long with out doing my hair or make up that I forget how.

Mr.... I can't even choose a color

A while back I went on some dates with this guy who, at first seemed nice and cute and... all that. He ended up being a sexist weirdo but he took me on one date that I will never forget.
I think it was probably your 3rd date (and last) and we went to dinner and a movie. On the way home, he informed me that we were going to stop by his uncle's house to say hi since we were in the area. So we get to this house and I meet him uncle who barely speaks english. As I am shaking his hand.... I see something come out of a room off the left. The room is all dark except for the blue glow of the TV and when the "thing" emerges into the light I realize.... it's a midget. Or a small person... I'm not sure what the PC term is. But he is about waist-tall and has a huge cigar sticking out of his mouth.
I handled myself well and politely shook his hand and we left. I must say, it was probably one of the oddest, unexpected situations I'd been in at the time.

And.Jessica.Dabbles

We all licked our lips

Ready for the kiss

Surrounded by the numbness

Empty and thoughtless

But then I looked around

And suddenly felt the ground

It rushed up form underneath

And nearly knocked me off my feet

Then as things slowed

Somehow the truth was shown

And as I walked away

Wishing it were a different day

Something changed in me

I saw a new way to be

And from the place I used to lie

I would rise up and fly

I felt beauty born

And I was no longer torn

I knew I would be fine

I knew that my heart was mine.

I put on those soft tunes

I sit in an empty room.

The walls are so bare

But I can’t let myself care.

I push off the ground

And start spinning round.

The bare walls turn fast

And I start to see my past.

I close my eyes tight

Until I see a bright light.

I open them wide and see

That a new world is around me

The walls crumble down

As I spin around

And all my past and all my wants

Fade to ghosts who no longer haunt.

Everything blends

As the ceiling bends

Light shines in all hues

Lights that I never knew

And all of my fears and all of my worries

Fade away and im here, I’m in no hurry

But as the spinning slows

And I forget what I’ve known

The only sound to be heard

Sounds like the spring’s first bird

It’s my own voice

No longer making a choice

I ask for things I don’t know

I ask for more lights to glow

I don't know what I want

But im willing to hunt

I wanna break down

But then I look around

And see these walls.

They stand so small.

Everything’s back

But now I know what I lack

So I try to spin

But can’t move again

And so I sit here.

And so I just sit here.

The music has stopped

So I start from the top

But this time I sing

The songs my heart brings

And they don’t stop.

Drank'n Dat Hater-Aid Baaaaaaaybeeeeeee

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFhzFpY_fl4

Imagine all the people
Living life in peace.
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one.

Definition

Bullying is an act of repeated aggressive behavior in order to intentionally hurt another person, physically or mentally. Bullying is characterized by an individual behaving in a certain way to gain power over another person (Besag, 1989). Behaviors may include name calling, verbal or written abuse, exclusion from activities, exclusion from social situations, physical abuse, or coercion (Carey, 2003; Whitted & Dupper, 2005). Bullies may behave this way to be perceived as popular or tough or to get attention. They may bully out of jealousy or be acting out because they themselves are bullied (Crothers & Levinson, 2004).

Mr. Lumpy Old Milk Creamy White

I started dating this guy when i got out of a long term relationship. I met him through a friend of a friend of a friend who all became closer friends eventually.... anyways. He seemed nice and responsible and... tall. And 21.... so we went on a date. First date: He's late but picks me up in a showy car and we head to a movie which we are and hour late for because he didn't realize how far away it was... even though he lived in the area his whole life. On the way to the movie... we pull up next to... HIS MOM! And she tried to hand him a sandwich thru the window! When we get to the movie which was semi-ok and he doesn't try to hold my hand or anything so we go to dinner. At first he tells me we're going to some place like... Wendy's but we end up at a nice japanese place instead. The convo was... adequate but it's obvious that he's uncomfortable with silence. Long story short... we go on three more dates and the convos get more boring (aka focussed on his work... which I dont understand or care about and not focussed at all on getting to know him as a person... or me).  Then he starts getting really lame.... his jokes aren't funny and he says weird things (like imitating Scooby Doo and acting "ghetto"....). And at the next movie we went to... i started to smell something tangy? It got all up in my nose and it's little smelly fingers started scratching my nostrils painfully. It was a horrible smell. 2 days later, he came over to hang out and i smelled that horrible stench again... i eventually put two and two together and realized it was his cologne. I love cologne... all but this ONE cologne. And he was wearing it. It was a sign.
I ended up breaking it off out of boredom and annoyance. Once i found out that he had 4 cars but still lived with his parents in a one story house... i figured we had different priorities. Especially when, for our second date, he wanted to take me shopping and then watch a movie... in his bedroom in his parents house.
You know how when someone is tone-deaf they sometimes don't know it and think they are actually really good at singing?  He was like that.... but with life....

And.Jessica.Paints (1)

To see more of my art go to :

http://www.flickr.com/photos/45958396@N08/show/

or email me at eyescreamlvr0@aol.com

These are from my first painting class at DCAD:

I hadn't thought about being a painting major until i actually took a real painting class. I always loved watercolor but... I think I was more focussed on collage and print making for some reason.

Phantom Mice Demons

One night I was drifting in and out of sleep in my apartment late at night. I had just come back from Christmas break and there had been rumors of mouse sightings throughout the apartment building so I had been on my guard. Out of the corner of my ear I heard a faint rustling and scratching noise. I tried to ignore it figuring it was nothing but just couldn't sleep so I turned on the light and looked around for.... something; I'm not sure what (it was pretty pointless because I'm blind without any glasses or contacts). I didn't see anything so i turned off the light and tried to sleep but the supposed mice where haunting my brain so I got up and turned off my fan thinking that it was making something move in the room. After trying for a bit longer to sleep I finally turned on the light and actually put on my glasses to look around. Over in the corner of my room I saw a large piece of paper on the floor, a corner of it curled up against the wall.... moving. The corner against the wall was scratching up and down the wall irregularly as if something were underneath it. So.... I called my then-boyfriend in a panic crying and grabbed a knife from the kitchen... yes a knife. He got to my room, i handed him the knife and told him to stab the "mouse". He looked around nervously for a minute then froze... he looked at me and said "its just air". I, crying, said "No! OMG kill it!" He went to the paper and lifted it up (i flinched expecting a mouse to run out from under it) and.... nothing. I started bawling out of relief and finally fell asleep at 3 am.
Gotta love college.

*About a month later we really did get mice and I moved out for 3 weeks.

Mr. Runny Mudd Brown and my beautiful Purple Pants

One day, I had just gotten to my 3D class (sculpture basically) and was wearing these amazing purple pants. I had only worn them a few times before because they were knew. They were corduroy and fit me so wonderfully. For some reason i happened to brush my hand past my rear and felt a breeze... on my butt... which should be impossible when your wearing pants right? right... unless they have a huge rip.... from your very crotch to the top of your butt crack... the biggest split pants split EVER... while you're wearing a thong..... and that is what it was. It was freezing that day so i had to wear my coat and borrow a friend's COAT to wrap around my waist. I ran out of the class and into the school's lobby which, just my luck, was full of people because they were having an open house for in coming freshman and their parents. So i ran thru all of these people with a winter jacket wrapped around my butt and got to my apartment to change quickly before class started. Then if course i had to run back thru the same people... in different pants... 4 minutes later.
The best part is that i found out months later from my (then) boy friend that he had SEEN the rip and let me go to class with my butt hanging out. We had been rough housing before class and when he picked me up apparently he ripped my pants. He let me go to class with an exposed lower half instead of fessing up.

And.Jessica.Confesses

I used to be a girl scout (no thats not the confession) and once when I was camping with my mother, i was so afraid to use the latrine in the dark.... that I opted to pee down my pant leg instead. I thought that it would just puddle in my shoe I think but, because im a chick, it made a puddle on the bench I was sitting on as well as on the ground around my shoes.

My family used to go on vacations to Minnesota and when I was young, I loved to catch little animals with my cousin. There are tons of toads up by the great lakes and one summer I decided that i'd be super sneaky and take a toad home with me... in my clog shoe. I put the toad in the toe of my shoe and shuffled into the car. No sooner had we left the driveway then the toad peed out of fear and I screamed. No more new pets for me.

Mister Melted-Chocolate-in-the-Pocket Brown Fish

In one of my high school sciences classes, my teacher had this horribly ugly fish. He was huge and looked like a barnacle someone had to pry off the titanic with a chain saw. This fish also had a temperament to match. Whenever the class room was too quiet (like when we were taking a test), he'd splash around in his (lid-less) tank. On one such test day I happened to be sitting right in front of his tank when he decided he was irritated. I got drenched and smelled like dirty old fish for the rest of the day.
Later that year someone killed that fish by feeding it gummy worms and putting toilet paper in it's tank. I guess no one can avoid bullying.

Lets call her Miss Chunky Poo Green

I had never lived with a large person before. The floor would shake when she walked (literally. I'm serious) which is what I would wake up to early every morning.... way earlier then I need to be woken up. Then I couldn't go back to sleep because the sun would be streaming in thru my make-shift blinds that she had torn partially down and was too large to climb and hang back up. Since I was awake I would usually try to go ahead and get ready for the day but Miss Chunky Poo Green would usually be in the bathroom for a good 2 hours at a time so I'd have to either hold in my morning pee or knock on the neighbor's door and ask to... use their restroom. (What is she doing in the bathroom for so long? No idea. Rarely taking a shower, thats for sure. That only happens about every 3 days.) Then of course she would come out of the bathroom in a cloud of old-lad perfume from the dollar store right as I'm starting to eat breakfast.

It's a wonderful morning ritual we had.

That's all bearable though. The thing that was really unbelievable was the level (or lack of) cleanliness. I mean im a messy person. I leave supplies and things around in piles but I am CLEAN. After informing Miss Chunky Poo that we would be having separate trash cans due to her lack of trash-carrying abilities, her trash magically.... disappeared. I thought I had just scared her into being clean until.... I looked around a bit more carefully. First I noticed it in our bedroom; I looked by her bed and saw a huge bag full of candy wrappers. When I tried to vacuum under her bed, out came more then 10 cheese wrappers. Then.... C day came. Cabinet day. The day I found.... The Cabinet.
Under our counter, we had a corner cabinet that receded deep into the corner of the counter. I didn't usually prod into her side of the kitchen because i felt it was rude but i heard a rumor about mice and wanted to see what my chances were of being mice-free. So.... I opened up the corner cabinet... and was engulfed by a cloud of flies. In that cabinet.... was 2 months... MONTHs worth of trash. Food. Plastic. Wrappers. Paper. When i showed my mother over the computer, she screamed.